She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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