I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
