halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
