The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
