I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
