So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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