Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
