You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
