Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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