This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That accounts for only three of the penises
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
