grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
