i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
