Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
