I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
