Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
