How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
