My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize