The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
