You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
