nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
