i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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