Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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