Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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