I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
