i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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