Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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