Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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