I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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