omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
