Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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