She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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