You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
