Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
