And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
