if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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