OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
