Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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