he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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