I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
