dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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