i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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