i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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