Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
