I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
