it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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