dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
