I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
