oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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