It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
