I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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