I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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