I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
