i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think my vagina is haunted
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
